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5 things backpackers in Australia never say

You’ll hear some crazy sh&t staying in hostels, but it won’t be any of these.


Countless conversations take place in hostel common rooms as backpackers from far-flung corners of the globe shoot the proverbial, with little more in common than a thirst to explore the great outdoors. There are phrases you’ll hear turned over and over again, like “hey, can I borrow your surfboard?” or “man, last night got outta hand.” Still, in among that get-to-know-you chit chat and 3am deep-and-meaningfuls over an empty box of goon (booze), there are certain sentences you’ll never, ever hear. In fact, we’ve made a compilation of the most infrequently uttered phrases by all backpackers in Australia, to kindly prepare you for something that will never happen. You’re welcome.

 

“I don’t see any beaches.”

Mate, Australia is basically just a big island. We are literally surrounded by beaches. Stay in Sydney’s Bondi Beach, and you’re a stone’s throw to Tamarama Beach, MacKenzies Bay, Bronte Beach, Clovelly Beach, Watson’s Bay, Rose Bay, Camp Cove … You get the picture. Beaches, we’ve got heaps. Go get salty, this list should get you started.

 

“There’s way more sunshine back where I came from.”

Where are you actually from? Huh? WHERE?! Unless it’s Mexico or some equally tropical destination where you drink Pina Coladas for breakfast, you are wrong. This place is so sun-heavy that you pretty much get taught about skin care from kindergarten. Seriously, make sure you slap on the SPF50 if you’re spending serious time soaking it up. Vitamin D, a-here… a-you… a-come.

 

“Where the heck can I get a good coffee around here?!”

Open your eyeholes, because this place is a mecca of tasty beans. No matter which district you’re staying in, there will be solid coffee options everywhere, and your friendly locals will no doubt point you in the right direction. If still in doubt, here are our personal faves.
 

“I’m SO BORED.”

Mmmm… probably not. Because when the weather is as consistently solid as it is Down Under, you have a plethora of activity options on your plate. If you’re feeling fresh, you could go hiking, swimming, kayaking, canoeing, sandboarding, surfing, boogie-boarding. If you’re feeling a little crusty, you could go picnicking, alfresco dining, sunbaking, long lunching at a winery or brewery or courtyard of any kind. In fact, if you’ve ever said this phrase in Australia, it just means you’re experiencing a mind blank and should have a read of this.

“There are just no hot people here and my eyes are sick of it.”

You’ve clearly never been to an Australian beach on a Saturday afternoon in summer. There is an ocean of rippling brown muscle even more distracting than the actual frikken Pacific Ocean itself. Everyone’s a babe and, quite frankly, it is both upsetting and delightful at the same time. Join Tinder, you can’t lose with these odds.

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